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It’s Not Your Fault!

Humans have a tendency to blame themselves for what someone else did. A child hears her parents fighting and she thinks she is to blame.


 That happens too often. Sometimes a child is even sexually abused by her own father and somehow thinks she did something to trigger the behavior and then she won’t speak to anyone, or to any man, maybe for years!!!

It wasn’t her fault! She had nothing to do with it.

Sometimes people get so wrapped up in their personal guilt they blame themselves about everything and they need a psychologist to come along and say, “You’re pointing in the wrong direction. Don’t point at yourself. Point at the real cause of the problem. That man did what he did because he was “dramatizing” or “acting out” or “repeating” what someone did to him. He was so traumatized he did this and could not stop himself from doing what he knew was wrong. Don’t blame yourself, blame him.

You know there are Catholic students in seminary that write long essays in debate about doctrine. It’s remarkable. I found essays between two men debating whether the doctrine of purgatory is right or wrong. One did a brilliant job proving purgatory must be real and the other did an equally brilliant job proving purgatory cannot be real. These several essays back and forth were like 30-pages long each. Brilliant PhD level work!

What Christians OUTSIDE of Catholicism learn is that we all are sinners, and we will spend our entire lives sinning, having impure thoughts, and begging forgiveness, and trying again to have more purity and fighting off the Devil’s fiery arrows, being drawn into sin, repenting (means to turn around, go back) trying again to be upright and pure and perfect. It’s nearly impossible for flesh and blood to be purified. Essentially we are made of mud.

If you add a half cup of bleach and laundry detergent to a cup of mud and add enough water to make a mix and slosh it around for 24 hours and then rinse it, it will not wash out white. It will still be mud. That’s our problem. Wash me clean O Lord, make me white as snow, is a lovely sentiment and it may happen in the spirit but in the flesh, we’re still grit and just imperfect/ not-perfectible, can’t be made white.

St. Paul writes, … “and this corrupt (one) will put on ‘incorruption'” …

1 Corinthians 15:53-55 King James Version (KJV)

53 For this corruptible must put on incorruption, and this mortal must put on immortality.

54 So when this corruptible shall have put on incorruption, and this mortal shall have put on immortality, then shall be brought to pass the saying that is written, Death is swallowed up in victory.

But that is meant for the time when Jesus returns and pulls your soul/spirit/life force out of the fleshy body and gives you a light/energy body. It is not yet, it is not for right now. It can’t be because we’re still made of water and minerals. We’re still made of mud.

No one is incorruptible. Not the Pope. Not the Dali Lama. No one on earth is without sin. We might argue long about Jesus the Christ. We can say with more certainty, in his last three years he was baptized and in that moment his flesh body was imbued/filled with the power of the Holy Spirit such as no one ever has seen. St. John was awestruck. Other people saw him, saw the light, and couldn’t stop themselves. They ceased their daily toils and ran to him. “Rabbi, we want to be like you. We want to follow you!”

He was clean and amazing. He was God and The Living Word of God and a man all at once, walking amongst us,  and then he met Pilot — and the filth of the entire world from the beginning of time until the future end of this age collapsed upon him.

He resisted sin and the Devil caused the Roman soldiers to behave like demons themselves and probably they spent the rest of their lives wondering why they were so cruel to that innocent man. “What came over me. Why did I do that?” and also, “Can I ever be forgiven? If that man was God walking among us, my sins seem unforgivable. Can God ever forgive me!?!”

And so now you, my Beloved Friend: you have had your upsets in life, personal, private, unique unto you.

If you are skilled in acting you can put on the coat of a stern older lady and speak your mind about it.

 “I have to tell you something, Sir. I forgive you. You are not perfect and no one is. After all of your years you of all people should know that. Now, I forgive you and God forgives you. The question is, will you forgive yourself and finally have a friendly relationship with me again?

“Just end it now. Let’s be friends and forgive one another as God forgives us through Jesus our only Savior. We will start clean again, better for having learned a big life lesson.”

And if you can’t say it maybe you should send this article to someone who needs to hear it. He’s human like we all are. He has had his unique traumas too and sometimes he can’t stop himself from his crazy behavior.

A woman psychologist wanted to try an experiment. She put a testosterone skin absorbent patch on her arm and sat at her desk to do paperwork. Fifteen minutes later she was so overwhelmed with sexual desire she just couldn’t believe it. She says, “It was then I realized, “Testosterone makes men crazy.”

Women produce testosterone too, about 10% of what men produce. Sometimes when women are depressed, feeling sickly and weak, and miserable, a testosterone patch for women improves their mental and physical health.

Young men do their best to behave like civilized people and push their sexual energy into hard work instead of raging like wild monkeys. But, sometimes when the match meets the striker strip he cannot stop himself from lighting into fire.

What we need is much more forgiveness. To forgive might mean to forego punishing others or yourself and give it to God. Fore/go

For now and forevermore, don’t blame yourself over bad past experiences with others. It was not your fault. Give it to God and let it all go.

Kindest regards,


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